This post I authored was recently published by LDS Living. Reposting here.
Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of social media posts that go something like this, “I’m missing senior prom, but I know I shouldn’t complain…” or “We had a special trip planned that was canceled, but I know I’m lucky things aren’t worse…” or “I’m sad we can’t have a larger funeral for my dad, but I’m glad my mom is still alive.”
In each of these posts, the person is expressing some current sorrow they’re experiencing, but then discounting it by acknowledging that things could be worse. Sometimes, that’s a very healthy emotional strategy. But today, I want to focus on another healthy emotional strategy:
It’s okay to feel sad. Full stop.
If your friend tenderly told you about some of her regrets, would you ask her to stop whining? No, you would almost certainly take the time to listen and empathize with her. Do you treat yourself this well? We can allow ourselves to take the time to mourn over our lost opportunities.
It’s okay to be completely sad that you missed prom, your graduation you’ve worked on for years, or that you’ve been laid off your job.
It’s okay to feel a sense of loss when the temple marriage you’ve planned on since childhood literally cannot happen, even though you’ve finally found the person of your dreams.
It’s okay to feel frustrated because your last child had finally started school (and you were so happy!) but now all of your children are home 24×7, making it harder for you to reach some of the personal goals you were excited to work on.
It’s okay to be devastated by the fact that you weren’t able to witness the birth of your first grandchild.
Note this scriptural pattern:
- Hagar wept (Genesis 21:16)
- Abish was “exceedingly sorrowful, even unto tears” (Alma 19:28)
- The children of Israel wept (Deuteronomy 34:8)
- “The heavens weep, and shed forth their tears” (Moses 7:28)
- Peter wept (Mark 14:72)
- Nephi’s wife shed tears (1 Nephi 18:19)
- Mosiah’s people “shed many tears of sorrow” (Mosiah 25:9)
- Jesus wept (John 11:35)
Many more examples could be added, but perhaps this is sufficient to be clear—it’s okay to be sad. It’s often an important part of the healing process. In fact, Jesus said, “Blessed are ye that weep now: for ye shall laugh” (Luke 6:21).
It’s hard to move forward until you’ve deeply acknowledged the pain you’re experiencing. You don’t have to brush it aside today and put on your brave face. As you take the time to listen to and mourn with yourself, as well as with trusted friends, over time you will find that you are ready to start moving forward. But for today, it’s okay to be sad.